Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
