Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
