I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Screwed.edu
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
