Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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