I want to make a zoo with you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
