What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
my liver is dry heaving
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
