been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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