we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
