Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
