Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
