Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
