Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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