i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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