not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
