maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
