I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
