if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
