If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i've created a new STD.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
