you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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