So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
