I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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