I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
