Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
