ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you had me at cake vodka
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
