can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
