a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
