so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
