so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
