Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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