After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
