I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
