after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
please don't ironically join a cult
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