My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
