he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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