Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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