Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
