Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
