His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
