Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
