someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
