the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
