My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
