how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
