it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
