Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
