those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
