I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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