If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
