So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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