You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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