can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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