so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
