I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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